Naked Kombat: Marcus Ruhl vs Jeremy Stevens – Muscled Oil Match!

Jeremy Stevens
“Stonewall”
HT: 6’0″
WT: 195lbs
Season W/L record (1-1)

Marcus Ruhl
“The Titan”
HT: 5’11″
WT: 200lbs
Season W/L record (0-0)

Two muscled gods enter the Naked Kombat arena today. Returning to the mat after his first loss is Jeremy “Stonewall” Stevens going toe to toe with bodybuilding stud Marcus “Titan” Ruhl. Marcus has a solid strategy to shove his big, uncut cock deep in both of Jeremy’s holes, but not until he has his way with him in the first three rounds. Stonewall’s prepared to hold nothing back and slam his opponent’s ass to the mat. After two grueling rounds, the two fighters are oiled down as they fight for sexual glory and not to mention the bragging rights. The stakes are high and in the end only one man can come out on top, while the other gets turned into the winner’s bitch for the day.


Rock Hard Wrestling: Alex Waters vs Josh Steel

Alex made an impressive impact in his debut match against Brodie Fisher, controlling the teen bodybuilder enough to best him in their 2 out of 3 contest and chalk up a victory. Alex wanted to make a statement that he is here at Rock Hard to prove he is also one of the new young guns in the stable, and is intent on establishing himself as a true force to be reckoned with, and not just another pretty face. For his next match, he pleaded to be put up against Josh Steel, he’s heard about the shaggy, blond haired surfer boy, and was eager to take out another of the new young muscle studs on the roster. Josh has had his share of success since joining Rock Hard, and since his debut, has hit the gym even harder and added significant muscle to his already bronzed, sultry body. His biceps are so pumped that they now pop out of his arms, and his chest is chiseled like a slab of granite! The match opens with Josh already in his corner, warming up in a bright blue warm up jacket, white square cuts, and white boots, reminiscent of a young Kevin von Erich. It’s a sight to behold when Josh peels off the jacket from his muscular torso, allowing his opponent to see his newly built muscles. It’s a sight that begs to make your mouth water. Alex has an equally impressive physique, though not quite as big as Josh. But that doesn’t faze the cocky frat boy as he climbs through the ropes in his baby blue square cuts and white boots in anticipation of slaying another young gun. Round one opens with Josh eager to show off his bulging biceps, and challenges the frat boy to an arm wrestling contest, saying ‘if you can’t beat me in arm wrestling, then I don’t think you can beat me wrestling’. The two teen studs lie down on the mat, lock up their wrists and go at it. Josh, seemingly not taking this too serious, is caught off guard in the beginning as Alex nearly slams his wrist to the mat. But Josh is able to fend off Alex’s strength, reversing the momentum. As they strain and struggle for superiority, Josh’s bicep explodes from his arm, as he wears down his opponent, ultimately forcing Alex’s wrist to the mat. Josh claims victory in the arm wrestling, now let’s see if his prophecy holds up with the wrestling? Josh stands up, proclaims ‘you’re not shit’ as he puffs out his chest in a display of dominance. They lock up to start round one, and the blond surfer boy immediately takes the control, lifting the smaller Alex up, then power slamming him into the mat. Josh is full of testosterone and confidence at this point, and follows up with several solid stops to the frat boy’s body. Josh continues by leveling Alex with a clothesline, straddling him and bashing away at his rippling abs, then choking the cocky boy across the ropes. Alex wasn’t expecting this kind of a start, and is probably wondering what has gone wrong as he lay on the mat leaned up against the ropes from Josh’s onslaught. The surfer boy has picked up a collection of holds since joining the roster, and he maintains his control of Alex by continuing to power slam him to the mat, stomp away at his fantastic physique, and impose his will with a single leg boston crab. But the cocky frat boy isn’t one to wilt, and he gains the upper hand on the shaggy blond with a suplex, then pulls Josh into his lap, laces his powerful thighs around his waist and then begins cranking back with a chin lock, which has Josh’s fantastic physique stretched to the limit. Josh is squirming, looking for a way to escape, but he can’t, then Alex drags him over to the ropes and delivers some payback, chocking the surfer boy across the ropes. Alex remains on the attack, standing and splitting his opponent’s legs wide apart, nearly ripping Josh’s money making crotch apart. But Josh is able to endure the pain, finally kicks out and regains the control. Josh’s smoking hot muscles go back on the attack, while wearing Alex down with stomps to the gut, painful hammerlocks on his big arms, and pounding away at his torso. Josh seizes the opportunity to end this round as he pulls up on one of Alex’s legs and arms, stretching him out into a standing wishbone. Josh zeroes in on the tattoo on Alex’s ribcage, plants his boot there, and starts pulling and stretching on the rookie’s muscles. When Alex won’t submit, Josh begins to stomp away on Alex’s tattoo until the rookie has no other choice but to whimper out a submission. Round one goes to Josh as he proudly poses his massive biceps over the cocky frat boy.

Josh asks ‘ready for round two, boy?’ as Alex recovers from the pain already inflicted on him. Josh picks up where he left off in the previous round by lifting Alex up, then drops him decisively across his knee into an over the knee backbreaker that has the frat boy moaning as Josh begins to bash away at his slab of abs. Josh is focused on beating and bashing Alex’s abs in this round, at one point laying him across the corner ropes and kicking his white size 11 boots up into the muscle boy’s abs. But the cocky frat boy isn’t going down easy in this round, and he’s finally able to catch the surfer boy with an elbow to the chest as Josh tried one too many times to pummel him in the corner. Alex takes the advantage, and begins an all-out attack on Josh’s newly built muscles. Alex tortures him with a wrenching leg lock, chokes him over the ropes, then wraps his massive thighs around Josh’s throat which nearly squeezes the last breath out of the shaggy blond. Alex seizes the moment to lock on a surfboard, pulling back on Josh’s well-muscled arms, and stretching out his massive pecs. Alex forces him to his feet and tells him ‘you’re either going to submit or your shoulders are going to pop out!’, as he exerts maximum pressure on Josh’s back, arms and chest. Josh endures the pain as long as he’s able, but ultimately cries out a submission. Alex kicks him to the mat, then places his boot on Josh and flexes his own massive biceps in triumph. The third and decisive round opens with both of these teen muscle studs willing to do anything to secure a victory. This new breed of young muscle studs are intent on claiming the top spot on the Rock Hard roster. Can Josh’s newly built body with bulging muscles out muscle the cocky frat boy, or will Alex be able to tame the shaggy, blond haired surfer stud and chalk up another impressive victory for his resume? All the thrilling action leads up to one of these muscle boys hoisting his opponent over his shoulder into an eye popping, backbreaking submission hold that you’ll crave to see!


Naked Kombat: Will Parks vs John Jammen

Will Parks
“The Punisher”
Ht: 5’11″
WT: 180lbs
Season W/L record ( 0-2)

John Jammen
“Jizz on Your Face”
Ht: 5’9″
WT: 155lbs
Season W/L record (0-0)

We almost had to cancel this fight after our scheduled Blue fighter pussed out and pulled a “no-show” going up against Will “The Punisher” Parks. Luckily for us, John Jammen was there to watch the fight and stepped up to the plate to challenge The Punisher. Once John saw The Punisher’s ass, nothing could hold him back from gaining sexual dominancy. Will knows all too well how unforgiving losing on Naked Kombat can be though, and today he’s more determined than ever to punish his opponents tight hole. The intense sexual aggression continues from the mat into the bathroom where the loser gets his ass fucked and his head shoved in a toilet for a swirly.


Naked Kombat: Alex Adams vs Jessie Colter

Alex Adams
“The Axe”
Ht: 5’10″
WT: 185lbs
Season W/L record ( 0-1)

Jessie Colter
“Cut-Throat”
Ht: 6’2″
WT: 195lbs
Season W/L record (0-1)

These two fighters sorely know what it feels like to lose here on Naked Kombat, but after losing their first matches, Alex “The Axe” Adams and Jessie “Cut-Throat” Colter are back, and neither one of these studs are going down without a fight. Cut-Throat pounces on The Axe, spreading the muscled hunk in a full nelson. Alex answers right back, sitting on Cut-Throat’s face while shoving a finger up his ass. Their cocks are raging hard throughout the third round, holding nothing back as they battle for sexual glory. Watch as these two fight for redemption and fuck with a brutal vengeance.


Rock Hard Wrestling: Brodie Fisher & Josh Steel vs Ethan Andrews & Aaron Travers

Brodie and Josh are two rising superstars on the Rock Hard roster, and have come a long way since their debuts last year. These two teenagers work out hard in the gym, carving out incredible muscular bodies that look like they jumped off the pages of a recent health and fitness magazine. As you may know, they have squared off against one another in singles competition with the teen bodybuilder Brodie narrowly chalking up a victory over the bronzed, surfer boy Josh. Considering the success that they have both experienced in recent matches, they chose to team up their muscles and take on the resident bad boy, Ethan, and his current protégé, Aaron, intent on proving their amazing physiques are up to the challenge of putting the bad boys in their place. Round one opens with Brodie in his signature red square cuts and black boot and Josh in blue square cuts and white boots, which highlight his golden bronzed body. In the opposite corner, the bad boy and his protégé are in their black and gold metallic trunks with black boots, eagerly awaiting their chance at taking out the teen muscle boys. First up in this round is Brodie and the rookie, Aaron. Brodie wastes no time in gaining the advantage over the protégé, securing Aaron in a tight, side headlock, stretching him out in a full nelson and grapevine combination, pounding and stomping away at his abs while he’s double teamed in the corner, then picks him up and drops Aaron across his knee into an over the knee backbreaker. Aaron doesn’t even get an offensive shot in on the teen bodybuilder before he’s looking to take in his mentor to take over. While Aaron tags in Ethan, Brodie tags in Josh and these two lock up at center ring. Ethan put an MMA style beating on the blond surfer dude in their previous singles match, and he takes the control again in this encounter. He backs Josh into the corner, delivers a few shoulder trusts into his gut, suplexes him down to the mat, then straddles Josh and starts bashing away at his abs of steel. Ethan is relentless, and continues to impose his will with a series of holds that make Josh suffer and Ethan delight. He tosses the shaggy haired blond around the ring like he was his own personal play toy. The bad boy stretches, pulls, and contorts every muscle in Josh’s fantastic physique, obviously enjoying himself all the while! Ethan even taunts Brodie, saying ‘look at your partner now’ as he has Josh in a reverse head lock and draped across his knee, then he bashes away some more on Josh’s pristine abs. Ethan is in total control, that is, until Brodie decides he’s seen enough and jumps over the top rope into the ring to help his partner. Brodie and Josh back the skinny street punk into a corner and start to stomp and pound away, until Ethan seizes a split second opening and tags Aaron. Josh immediately takes control over the less experienced and smaller opponent, throwing him to the mat before double teaming him in the ropes while Brodie places Aaron in a full nelson and Josh stomps away on his chest with his size 11 white boots. Josh is now the muscle boy clearly in control of this match, placing Aaron in a seated surfboard and stretching the rookie out in search of a submission. When Aaron won’t submit, Josh picks him up, then puts him through the same punishment. Josh places Aaron in another seated surfboard, but this time exerts intense pressure, forcing Aaron to his feet as he looks for anyway to escape Josh’s raw muscular power and the agonizing pain. With Aaron standing and screaming with nowhere to escape, and his bad boy partner helpless on the other side of the ring, Josh forces the rookie to submit to the surfboard as Aaron screams out a submission. Round one goes to the muscle studs as they proudly pose their fantastic physiques over their defeated opponent.

Round two opens with Josh beaming with confidence in his corner, and Aaron seemingly hesitant to continue as he hobbles out of the opposite corner. The shaggy, blond muscle hunk quickly takes the rookie down to the mat and starts attacking his abs. Ethan tries to encourage his partner to fight back but it’s looking like Ethan is the only one who has any fight left on his team. Josh dishes out the punishment on Aaron before he is able to crawl across the mat and tag in Ethan. The resident bad boy climbs through the ropes and states ‘you’re mine now dude’ as he catches Josh in a headlock, takes him to the mat, then starts grinding away on Josh’s fine-looking face. Don’t know what it is, but Ethan simply has Josh’s number! He lifts the bronzed surfer dude up and drops him into an over the knee backbreaker, stretching his stunning body out on display. Josh takes a beating until he is able to back the street punk against the ropes where Brodie is eagerly awaiting, and locks in a full nelson on Ethan and the two muscle boys start dishing out a 2 on 1 beat down. Ethan is able to break free and tag in Aaron, but that doesn’t change the dynamics of this match. It’s more of the same as the energetic, teen muscle boys continue to dominate the rookie. Ethan does get back into the ring, and gains an advantage over Brodie, stretching his magnificent muscles out in an over the knee backbreaker, but when Brodie is able to reverse the action in the corner he lifts the bad boy up only to power slam him down on the mat. He works Ethan over; stretching him out on the mat, scissoring his tree trunk sized thighs across the bad boy’s 29 inch waist and squeezing the life out of him, then double teaming him in the corner with excessive pounding and stomping away on his abs, softening him for the kill. The teen bodybuilder hoists the resident bad boy up onto his back into a crucifix, and as Ethan is stretched out helpless across Brodie’s back, Josh whacks away at his abs until he can’t take it any longer and reluctantly cries out a submission. The two teenage muscle studs chalk up a well-earned victory, and flex their smoking hot, sweaty muscles as the bad boy Ethan lay helpless and bulging on the mat.


Naked Kombat: Connor Patricks vs Chase

Connor Patricks
“The Pulverizer”
Ht: 5’10″
WT: 155lbs
Season W/L record ( 0-0)

Chase
“The Champ”
Ht: 5’9″
WT: 150lbs
Season W/L record (0-0)

Connor “The Pulverizer” Patricks and Chase “The Champ” are brand new to Naked Kombat. Chase plans on using the skills he’s learned being in a few fights to dominate The Pulverizer. The Champ goes to shove his balls in Connor’s face, but The Pulverizer quickly wraps his legs around his opponent and slams his ass to the ground. Chase recovers and punches Connor’s ripped abs after catching him in a full nelson. They are both determined to make the other their bitch for the day, but only one fighter will walk away victorious while the other is reduced to nothing but a fuck doll.


BG East: Jake Jenkins vs. Skrapper – Sunshine Shooters 6

A Taste of Your Own Medicine

Skrapper has a huge reputation around the locker rooms at BG East, much bigger than his lean body might imply. He’s more than held his own against much (MUCH!) bigger opponents. He likes hurting guys, and taking a little punishment along the way does nothing but ignite his lust to lay on some more hurt in reply. Any opponent, no matter how big, how bad, how skilled who fails to bring his A-game against Skrapper learns the hard way that the vicious and absolutely fearless little badger is not to be taken for granted.

If he isn’t facing overwhelming odds, Skrapper isn’t interested. If an opponent doesn’t outweigh him by at least 50 pounds (aka Dev Michaels, Brook Stetson, Mitch Colby) then Skrapper typically doesn’t consider him to be worth the effort. But Jake Jenkins, while shorter and about the same weight as Skrapper, has built a reputation at BG East as a master tactician on the mats. Jake’s extensive success in amateur wrestling was enough to pique Skrapper’s interest. He invited Jake to get in a little “practice” with him, to see if the babyface muscle boy is as dangerous (and as pretty…) as he’s heard.

“What’s with the gloves?” Jake asks when he arrives, finding Skrapper sporting sparring gloves. “We’re going to be boxing today, is that cool? Ready to box, dude?” Skrapper asks, immediately circling and jabbing, putting the pretty boy on defense and using Jake’s luscious pecs as speed bags. With calm, practiced skill Jake lets fly a blurring combination of punches that back Skrapper into the wall. Punch for punch, he matches Skrapper’s offense and then some. When Skrapper lands a particularly stunning jab, Jake abruptly steps backward and drives a rocking round house kick to the shoulder of his astonished opponent. Mat wrestling, boxing, kickboxing… what the heck can’t Jake Jenkins do!?

“Practice” to Skrapper isn’t the same as practice to anybody else! The more skillfully Jake neutralizes his offense, the more vicious the Skrapper gets. He slams the muscle boy into the wall and pins his throat there with a forearm while driving punches into his muscled core. “What the fuck, man!” Jake snarls furiously, pounding his way free and looking at his lanky “practice partner” with new and now challenging and threatening eyes.

Few opponents have managed to get Jake’s blood boiling, but leave it to Skrapper to have him in a rage within minutes. The former amateur champ takes Skrapper to the mats and unleashes a master clinic of speed, strength and skill that leaves Skrapper unable to guess where the next attack is coming from. Taking Skrapper’s back and wrapping his powerful right arm across his throat, Jake applies a wickedly tight rear naked choke that makes Skrapper’s eyes roll momentarily into the back of his head. “How’s that feel?!” the normally unflappable Jake snaps angrily. “How do you like a taste of your own medicine!?”

The intensity between these two pissed off, testosterone-fueled battlers is incendiary! Skrapper slides off his baggy trunks and chokes the muscle boy with them. “That rough enough, dude!?” Skrapper taunts. Momentarily dazed, Jake’s shorts also get peeled, leaving him to fight wearing nothing but his already sweat-stained tighty-whities. A slap to Jake’s face is one aggressive step too far, as it seems to clear the dangerous mat battler’s head. With momentum firmly back in his court, Jake schoolboy pins his cocky opponent and then pounds the living shit out of Skrapper’s chest in satisfying revenge.

Jake outmuscles and outmaneuvers Skrapper repeatedly, prying, stretching, pounding and squeezing his lean body in an accomplished string of punishing holds. Nobody, but nobody gets a quick submission from Skrapper. Sweat pours off Jake’s body in sheets as his lion-hearted opponent takes a mountain of punishment and then keeps clawing his way back up for more. “Where are you getting this energy!” Jake joins a long line of astonished opponents in asking, as Skrapper launches yet another swarming offense.

Skrapper has only one gear ? full speed. With a stunning reverse boston crab he bends Jake unnaturally, the muscleboy’s face pressed into the mat, until the shocked wrestler submits. “Who’s talking shit now, huh?” Skrapper taunts. “Whattaya gotta say now?!”

Slicked down in thick sheets of sweat, both bodies are hard to hold but the pace doesn’t let up for a moment. Provoked and taking it personally, Jake literally drags Skrapper’s face aross the sweat-stained mat. The muscle boy’s body shimmers beautifully as he slides into a tendon-snapping full nelson that violently wrenches out an incredibly reluctant submission from the scrappy one. Flinging his opponent to the floor, Jake flexes his dripping muscles in celebration, snarling down at his aching opponent, and growling, “Asshole!”

Jake and Skrapper share the same credo regarding conceding defeat: if you’re conscious, you keep fighting! Submission after submission, they throw their bodies back into the sweaty, slippery fray until one of them delivers not one, but two brain-rattling bulldogs. “Say goodnight,” the victor snarls, flexing overtop of his KO’d opponent. “You know what!?” he snaps, looking down at his helpless foe. “I’ll just take advantage while you’re knocked out!” Stretching his soaked body across his opponent’s motionless shoulders, the winner slaps down a humiliatingly slow, crowing, cocky 3-count. Dude. You’re pinned!


Naked Kombat: Jeremy Stevens vs Hayden Richards – Fight of the Century!

Jeremy Stevens
“Stonewall”
Ht: 6’0″
WT: 195lbs
Season W/L record ( 1-0)

Hayden Richards
“The Swank”
Ht: 6’0″
WT: 185lbs
Season W/L record (1-0)

We’ve got two of our best fighters this season, Hayden “The Swank” Richards and Jeremy “Stonewall” Stevens going balls to the wall to see who is the true victor of Naked Kombat. Hayden starts off slamming Stonewall to the ground and locking him in an arm bar. Jeremy manages to get out and counters by getting The Swank caught in a crucifix. The Swank screams as his arms are pulled in each direction while Stonewall shoves his finger in his opponents tight ass. After a match full of brutal takedowns and strong holds, these champions stay completely rock hard the entire 3rd round, shoving their hard cocks in each other’s face any chance they get. The glory of victory and sexual dominancy is on the line as these two battle it out in the fight of the century!


BG East: Joshua Goodman vs. Ned Norris – Ringwars 21

So That’s What Ned’s Thinking!

What the hell was Ned Norris thinking!? He made a special request for this match against one of BG East’s most successful and prolific wrestlers, Joshua Goodman. Of course, we know that Ned can “enjoy” a severe beating. The batterings he suffered at the hands of both JP Riley and the infamous Brooklyn Bodywrecker proved that Ned can certainly make the most out of suffering humiliating corporal punishment. But you have to wonder what Ned is expecting to happen when he climbs into the ring and slides in nice and close, directly behind Joshua, and compares muscles with the stunningly ripped fitness model. Perhaps more importantly, you have to wonder whether his Dark Knight master, BBW, sanctioned Ned’s return to the BG East ring against dangerous beauty, Mr. J!

Mr. Joshua (as he insists on being called) has been on a tear since first arriving at BGE many years ago. Every inch as incredibly hot and muscled as he was from day one, Joshua has gone on to become one of the most prolific and successful wrestlers in the history of BG East. He has long ago lost count of how many opponents he has punished for daring to stand in between him and the mirror. Mr. Joshua’s fans, however, have been unflappable in their fanatical admiration of his stunning muscles, his top dog personality, and most of all, the epically massive bulge he’s barely able to stuff down the front of his trunks (causing him to adjust frequently).

No one loves the sight of Josh’s gorgeous muscles nearly as much as Mr. J himself, so perhaps that’s what Ned Norris is thinking when he presses up so closely behind the notorious narcissist, peering over top of Joshua’s mountainous biceps to see exactly what Mr. J sees staring back at him in the mirror. “Don’t even think about coming over here and messing up my game!” Joshua warns. When Ned dares to lift his own relatively modest arms in comparison, Joshua drives his leg backward between Ned’s outstretched thighs, racking his opponent’s balls and then bulldogs Ned flat on his face in the middle of the ring. “I told you to stay away!” Mr. Joshua snarls, resuming his self-worship.

When you can take as much pain as we’ve seen Ned endure at the hands of BBW, it should come as no surprise that although Joshua repeatedly levels him, Ned persistently peels himself up off the mat and climbs back to his feet. “You gotta be shitting me!” Joshua growls, shaking his head in disbelief as Ned asks for more. You can set your watch on the reliable fact that Joshua is going to give him more! A standing head scissors, bouncing on the balls of his feet makes Ned go limp even as it makes Joshua’s famous pouch bounce. Transitioning to a beautiful scissor-choke, he makes his challenger flail and flop, as Joshua calmly flexes his bulging, tanned arm in Ned’s face. “Look at those 14-inch forearms! My forearms are about as big as your arms!”

Joshua continuously flexes for his own entertainment, and enjoys watching his stunning physique in the act of complete domination. A particularly vicious standing headscissors forces Ned’s face upward, staring up at the luscious, muscled ass of the physique star. Mr. J laughs, flexing his biceps and crunching his six-pack abs. Determinedly, Ned reaches up with both hands, grabs hold of the sides of Joshua’s blue trunks, and begins to drag them down his powerful thighs! NOW we know what Ned’s been thinking all along!

Joshua just barely manages to stop Ned from launching himself into instant legendary status by being the first opponent to show fans exactly what Mr. J is packing down the front of his trunks. With Ned’s secret desire exposed, Mr. J’s destructive path grows more focused. He locks BBW’s jobber up nice and tight in a crotch-to-face headscissors, forcing his awestruck challenger to stare up at that big trophy package. He rolls him up into a crotch-ripping small package, positioning his hips directly over Ned’s head and grinding that huge bulge into his face. “Take those big balls in your mouth!” Joshua commands.

Sooner or later, every hardbodied narcissist can’t help but become distracted by the sight of his own beauty staring back at him in the mirror mounted ringside (heck, that’s pretty much the whole point of the wall mirror!). True to form, Joshua’s focus on destroying Ned wavers as he marvels at his chiseled muscles, and opportunistic Ned instantly makes him pay. Ned targets Mr. Joshua’s pride-and-joy abdominal muscles. Punches soften him up, but it’s Ned’s fingers digging deep into Joshua’s abdominal wall that really make the hardbodied hottie squirm. Having been tortured by the best, Ned knows just how to make the most of a vulnerable opponent. He kicks his legs in the air and repeatedly drives his knee into the battered arm or across Joshua’s increasingly reddened midsection.

Having revealed his ulterior motive for signing for the match, Ned is determined to lay waste to the notorious Mr. J and unwrap his infamous package as a gift to BGE fans. Sensing his vulnerability, Josh isn’t about to let Ned take the gold without a brutal fight. When Ned launches himself into the air to deliver a high impact belly-to-belly splash, Mr. J manages to pull his knees up to his chest, sending Ned bouncing across the ring in agony. Demonstrating arguably his most impressive move of all, Joshua shoves his hand down the front of his trunks to rearrange the oversized baggage he’s packed.

You’ve got to hand it to Ned. Some of Josh’s opponents over the years have had their sights set on deflating his gargantuan ego. Quite a few have made no bones about their plans to exact payback for the withering, demeaning, dismissive trash talk he shovels out at the start of every match. A few opponents have even made a point of targeting Mr. J’s pendulous package for concentrated, ball bashing torture. Ned, on the other hand, is going to count it a singular victory if he can just free the crotch monster that has taunted and haunted fans for years. The brutality poured out across the BGE ring matches these suddenly epic stakes, possibly the highest stakes that Mr. Joshua has ever faced. The climactic conclusion features one of these fierce wrestlers, chest heaving, flexing overtop of his humiliated opponent, and crowing victoriously, “The fans are going to love it!”


BG East: Jonny Firestorm vs. Ethan Axel Andrews – The 3 Stages of Jonny

Long-Awaited Underground Wrestling Super Stars Main Event!

Sure, Ethan Axel Andrews is tough and seemingly fearless and willing to take on any and all comers, from one coast to the other and in any wrestling federation which will host him. But who knows what was in Ethan’s head when he signed up for THIS match against Jonny Firestorm! Besides the fact that Jonny’s built like a wrecking ball these days, Ethan surely must know or has at least heard that Jonny’s still picking shreds of wrestlers much bigger and more experienced than Andrews from between his teeth. Yes, there would some serious and critical cache, not to mention money, in chalking up a victory over one of BG East’s premiere attractions and purportedly one of its toughest grapplers and most gifted grafters. Was it hubris? Ambition? An over-sized sense of self? Lust? What?

And it’s hard to imagine what possessed him to insist on fighting Jonny according to MMA submissions-only rules, no holds barred. And, on top of everything else, he calls for this surefire debacle right after his own humiliating defeat in a loser-gets-scalped hair match against Lon Dumont? Is Ethan Axel Andrews certifiably insane? Or does he believe, by sheer blind faith, against reason, that his luck is bound to change if only he takes on the toughest challenge of his entire wrestling career? Or does he have a hidden motive?

Jonny has seen it all and done it all, it seems like. In his early years, his opponents challenged his abilities in the ring if all they knew of him was his mat grappling skills. If they knew of him first and foremost as an independent pro wrestler, they challenged whether he could transfer those skills to a 12-by-12 mat. Nowadays all the hotshot rookies think about is mixed martial arts. They want a “real” fight, and they wonder aloud whether a seasoned pro veteran like Jonny has what it takes to grapple submission-style.

Besides betraying a woeful failure in researching what Jonny has accomplished in his previous bouts, and in his long and impressive career as an amateur wrestler, they seem to think that submission wrestling is something that popped up only in the last five years or so. To make matters worse, half these upstarts don’t even know when to tap out, an ignorance that encourages recklessly high self-esteem and endangers themselves and their opponents. Given his background and training in submission wrestling, Ethan probably knows better than to underestimate any opponent, much less Jonny Firestorm, and probably can gauge when he’s in a tight enough fix to warrant tapping out. And knowing what we know of Jonny Firestorm, for Ethan Axel Andrews sake, we certainly hope so!

Ethan Axel Andrews, tall and slender, sporting a skinny Mohawk, all that’s left of his hair once Lon Dumont was finished with him in HairStakes 1, came to us with years of experience on the mats and, more recently, in the squared circle. The Boss and Jonny Firestorm alike have advised him that he might have been a big fish in a small pond before, but now at BG East he faces the “cream of the crop” of wrestling talent. Ethan assured them that that’s exactly what he is looking for, and to his credit, in his months with us, he has shown himself game for every challenge we set before him. When we asked him what he wanted to do next, he announced he wanted a match with Jonny, one of the steeliest wrestlers on the roster. The match was set up, as requested, some of us wondering, however, whether Ethan was self-destructive or just plain masochistic.

Clearly Ethan expects better of himself as an MMA fighter than he is able to muster against Jonny, who is faster, stronger, and wilier than Ethan Axel could have guessed. The veteran easily keeps Ethan short of oxygen, tied in knots and panting in pain for the first third of the match. Ethan can’t get an advantage on Jonny, and Jonny gains one tap-out submission after another because Ethan lays himself open for the same frustrating neck-busting neck-crank again and again. It’s looking like a complete rout of the challenger.

Then, having been repeatedly bested in a legitimate contest, fuming with anger, panting and pacing with pent-up rage, Ethan goes down dark and deep and turns nasty. He drives his boot to Jonny’s ribcage while Jonny is getting up on his feet after yet another victory. He makes illegal use of the ropes to grind his boots to Jonny’s throat and crotch. He busts Jonny’s back to gain a dirty, cheap submission via a fully-weighted boston crab. It’s an eye-popping and stunning reversal of fortune which leaves both Jonny Firestorm and the viewer gasping for air from its ferocity. Boston crab fans will blow a gasket or three!

Leave it to BG East to wrap up The 3 Ages of Jonny with an electrifying twist: Nice-guy Ethan turns heel. The all-American kid who took up martial arts to fend off bullies finds his dark side, and he seems to love it. The MMA rulebook gets tossed out of the ring, and after years of dominating the scene as BGE’s “resident badass,” Jonny’s reputation and career are put in peril by a rash and craven act of underhanded treachery. The final two-thirds of this match is hot, tense, strenuous, and sweaty as Wannabe Heel takes on the Heel of All Heels. Is this Jonny’s swan song, at long last? Or will Jonny get his mojo back in time to beat this ambitious mohawked mofo black and blue? Nominations, please.